Editorial Report 13b

Below is my second editorial report for this week. After editing my entire script for my video essay, I feel very confident about it! Now I am ready to re-record and add more pictures and video.

Selection from ‘Rough Cut’:

Since the 1970’s, the wage gap between men and women has decreased greatly, especially because of The Equal Pay Act of 1963. However, in most recent years, progress towards ending the pay gap has stalled. At this rate, it will take about 44 years for women to receive equal pay. That is not acceptable for ourselves or future generations of women and we need to work tirelessly until we can implement a new system that treats each gender with fairness and equality. One solution to this problem is to end occupational segregation. “Jobs predominantly done by women pay less on average than jobs predominantly done by men (Institute for Women’s Policy Research).” Over the years, women have started moving to careers that were traditionally dominated by men, but gender integration in certain jobs still needs improvement.

Re-edited Selection:

Since the 1970’s, the wage gap between men and women has decreased greatly, especially because of The Equal Pay Act of 1963. However, in most recent years, progress towards ending the pay gap has stalled. At this rate, it will take about 44 years for women to receive equal pay. That is not acceptable for ourselves or future generations of women and we need to work tirelessly until we can implement a new system that treats each gender with fairness and equality. One solution to this problem is to end occupational segregation. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, “Jobs predominantly done by women pay less on average than jobs predominantly done by men.” For example, teaching, nursing, and daycare workers are all jobs primarily held by women that get paid very little. However, when men are in these careers, they tend to get promoted faster, such as men in education getting promoted to administration, while the women continue to be teachers. Over the years, women have started moving to careers that were traditionally dominated by men, but gender integration in certain jobs still needs improvement.

Questions:

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added more examples and clarification to my paragraph. This way instead of just saying that jobs predominately done by women get paid less, I gave my audience examples of such jobs. I also cited my quotation better by saying, “according to...."

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• The rough cut is the the form of a paragraph and after I edited it, the paragraph got longer. This means the my video essay will also become longer.