Editorial Report 13a

Below is my second round of editing for project 3, after I made my rough draft. My genre is video essay but I only included my script in this blog post.

Selection from ‘Rough Cut:

In 1963, The Equal Pay Act was signed into law with hopes to eliminate the inequality of wage between genders in all work places. While this did decrease the wage gap, it did not solve the problem completely. Women still only earn 79 cents to every dollar a male makes, which is a wage gap of 21%, for doing the same amount and difficulty of work. Not only this, but women are also less likely to be offered health insurance, create retirement saving plans, and most importantly, have access to paid leave. Without paid leave, women are forced to leave the work place when they are having and raising children. This refusal to give paid leave is one reason those women earn less later in life and is just one of many of the poorly disguised methods of denying women equal pay. 

Re-edited Selection:

The fact that we are still forced to argue about this discrimination of women and that this problem has not been resolved is absolutely ridiculous in today’s society. There have been a few attempts at resolving this issue but we need to do more. In 1963, The Equal Pay Act was signed into law with hopes to eliminate the inequality of wage between genders in all work places. While this did decrease the wage gap, it did not solve the problem completely. Women still only earn 79 cents to every dollar a male makes, which is a wage gap of 21%, for doing the same amount and difficulty of work. Not only this, but women are also less likely to be offered health insurance, create retirement saving plans, and most importantly, have access to paid leave. Without paid leave, women are forced to leave the work place when they are having and raising children. This refusal to give paid leave is one reason those women earn less later in life and is just one of many of the poorly disguised methods of denying women equal pay. As a society we need to stop submitting women to these injustices and truly abolish the wage gap. The differences in pay have no valid basis, though that hasn’t stopped the creation of false theories.

Questions:

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added a couple sentences to the beginning and a couple more at the end. That was to add more of my own opinion of the argument and use more emotional appeal rather than all logic. I am communicating my opinion better and letting my audience know I think the wage discrimination is absurd.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• The form only became a little longer. However, my genre is a video essay and this is only my script for it. With these changes, the video essay will become longer as well.