Editorial Report 12a

Below is my first editorial report for project 3. I decided to edit the raw material for my conclusion paragraph because it was really rough and needed to be made longer. I am very happy with the changes and additions I made.

Selection from ‘Rough Cut’:

Conclusion:

As for the Women’s National Soccer Team, they are finally speaking out and demanding equal pay. Hopefully this action will cause a ripple effect and change wage discrimination based on gender in all work areas. As a woman, this affects me personally. I refuse to be paid 79 cents to every dollar my male counterpart makes for doing the same amount of work. It is time for us women to defend ourselves and earn the wage we deserve.

Re-edited Selection:

There are potential solutions to the various causes of the wage gap, but these movements have no weight behind them unless they are able to garner support. This is why raising attention the continuing pay discrimination is crucial and why this public stand by the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team is a historic step in the right direction. Hopefully this action will cause a ripple effect and change wage discrimination based on gender in all work areas. As a woman, this affects me personally. I refuse to be paid 79 cents to every dollar my male counterpart makes for doing the same amount of work, and all woman should feel the same way.  The Women’s National Team is the perfect example of how women can stand together and take action to speak out against this discrimination. It is time for us women to defend ourselves and earn the wage we deserve.

Audience Questions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• A lot of the content changed when I edited it. I took out the entire first sentence and added a better transition. My conclusion paragraph reflects the introduction better and summarizes the main focus of my project.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• The form stayed the same. The only thing that changed was the length of my paragraph because I elaborated more in my conclusion.