Editorial Report 12b

Here is my second editorial report for project 3. I edited the raw material of my introduction and made it better by adding material and creating more credibility.

Selection from ‘Rough Cut:

July 5, 2015, The Women’s National Soccer Team defeats Japan becoming the third-time FIFA Women’s World Cup Champions. This is something the Men’s National Soccer Team has never accomplished. The U.S Women’s soccer team is not only regarded as the best soccer team in the world, but it is considered the best team in all of women’s sports. Even though these women have proven their capabilities and have accomplished more than their male counterparts ever have, they are still being discriminated against and are given unequal pay, purely due to their gender. Five women on the team have finally decided to fight back. Hope Solo, Carli Lloyd, Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe, and Rebecca Sauerbrunn have all filed wage-discrimination complaints against the U.S. Soccer Federation in hopes to receive equal pay with their male colleagues.  Re-edited Selection:

July 5, 2015, The U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team defeats Japan becoming the three-time FIFA Women’s World Cup Champions. Meanwhile, the U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team has never even won a single World Cup Championship, let alone three like the women. Also, the women’s team have won several Olympic medals while the men’s team have continued to fail to even qualify to play in the Olympics. They just recently failed to qualify for the summer Olympics 2016. The U.S Women’s soccer team is not only regarded as the best soccer team in the world, but it is considered the best team in all of women’s sports. Even though these women have proven their capabilities and have accomplished more than their male counterparts ever have, they are still being discriminated against and are given unequal pay, purely due to their gender. Five women on the team have finally decided to fight back. Hope Solo, Carli Lloyd, Alex Morgan, Megan Rapinoe, and Rebecca Sauerbrunn have all filed wage-discrimination complaints against the U.S. Soccer Federation in hopes to receive equal pay with their male colleagues. 

Audience Questions:


1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added sections to my introduction to make it more clear. For example, I made it sound like the men’s team had never won three World Cup Champions, when in fact, they had never won one at all. I also brought more credibility to the women’s team by stating more of the games and championships they have won.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• The form of my paragraph did not change. However, I added to the paragraph, therefor it got a little bit longer.