Peer Review 14 for Jack Auslen

Below is my peer review for Jake Auslen. It was helpful to see what someone else decided to talk about for their final project.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

• Jake Auslen (section 8)
• Production Post 1 of his introduction

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed 

• http://jauslen109h.blogspot.com/2016/04/production-post-1_29.html?showComment=1462069724564#c6957008288237271845

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

• I am commenting on Jake’s rough cut of his introduction. This means I am making content suggestions and making sure his information meets the criteria for project 4.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

• I helped Jake by telling him that he needs to create more credibility for himself by introducing himself more. I gave him some ideas on how to do so. I also told him to include a better and more defined thesis statement.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback 

• The Student’s Guide stresses how important a thesis statement is which is what I told Jake to revise in his video.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• I admired how he already started videoing and shared the clip rather than a script of what he was going to say. He is very on top of things!

Production Report 14b

Below is my second production report for the final project. I took the outline for the closing section and made it into raw material.
Outline Item:

A closing section 

• Wrap up the interview and thank me.

Adaptation of Outline Item:

Thomas: And that concludes our interview today with Emily Sutton. Thank you for listening and thank you to Emily for sharing her struggles and successes throughout the year. It seemed like she overcame a lot of challenges, but learned a lot in the process, which is what college is all about! It has been a pleasure.

Emily: Thank you for having me!

Questions:

1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

• Since my genre is podcast and I am recording at the end after I make the script for each section, I am sharing my raw material in the form of a script. This is what I am going to be saying in my podcast.

2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

• The production of this material was not that bad. I had to look up how to close an interview because I was unfamiliar with the proper way to do so. Other than that the opening an closing sections were easy to write.

Production Report 14a

Below is my raw material for the opening section of my final project. I took the information from my outline and created it into an actual script.

Outline Item:
An opening section 

• Interviewee introduces me, states my background, giving me credibility, and gives insight of what the interview with me is about

Adaptation of Outline Item:

Thomas: Hey Wildcats! This is Thomas Gasbeck speaking. Today we have a special interview with Emily Sutton, a freshman here at the University of Arizona. Emily just completed her first year as a freshman, majoring in dance and communications. In this interview we will get to hear her speak about her experiences this year and what she learned about herself as a student, especially from Bottai’s vigorous English 109 honors class.

Questions:

1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

• For this project, I am making a podcast. However, before I even begin recording, I am going to write out a complete script first. That was I can make any changes necessary without having to re-record overtime.

2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

• The production of this raw material was not bad at all. The introduction was the fun part. It is going to be challenging answering the questions about myself and only stick to a few topics when I have so much I want to discuss.

Production Schedule

Below is my production schedule for the final project. Hopefully I stick to it and get everything done without being too stressed.

An opening section:

• What is to be done

- Write a script for my introduction

• Location

- Dorm room

• Planned date & time

- Saturday April 30th

• Resources required

- Laptop

• Date completed

- Saturday April 30th

• Changes made after completion & reasons why

- If I need to add more to my introduction or get corrections from my peer reviews to change something, then I will make revisions to my script

3 main body sections:

• What is to be done

- Write a script for my three body sections

• Location

- Dorm room

• Planned date & time

- Saturday April 30th

• Resources required

- Laptop

• Date completed

- Saturday April 30th

• Changes made after completion & reasons why

- If I need to add more to my body paragraphs or get corrections from my peer reviews to change something, then I will make revisions to my script

closing section:

• What is to be done

- Write a script for my conclusion section

• Location

- Dorm room

• Planned date & time

- Saturday May 1st

• Resources required

- Laptop

• Date completed

- Saturday May 1st

• Changes made after completion & reasons why

- If I need to add more to my conclusion or get corrections from my peer reviews to change something, then I will make revisions to my script

record opening, body, and closing sections:

• What is to be done

- Record each section, combine them, and add sounds

• Location

- Dorm room

• Planned date & time

- Sunday May 1st

• Resources required

- Laptop

• Date completed

- Sunday May 1st

• Changes made after completion & reasons why

- If I need to add information I am going to have to re-record and change parts.

Content Outline

Below is an outline for my project 4 final self-assessment. For this project, I will be making a podcast. As you can see, I left the podcast for last because I have never made one before and am pretty nervous about it. However, I have a good sense of how I am structuring my project and what I am going to say.

An opening section 

• Interviewee introduces me, states my background, giving me credibility, and gives insight of what the interview with me is about

At least 3 main body sections (more’s fine) 

• #1: Questions about how my writing process has changed throughout my first year of college
• #2: What struggles did I face with each project?
• #3: What were my successes?

A closing section 

• Wrap up the interview and thank me.

Main idea for each section 

• #1: My writing process and how it has changed
• #2: The different struggles I faced with each project and the different genres
• #3: What I learned about my writing and what I am taking away from this class

Major pieces of evidence for each body section (there should be at least 2 for each) 

• #1: In high school I would stay up all night writing an essay the day before it was due but now I realized I write better in the morning
• #1: I need to do a lot of research, plan everything out before I begin writing, and then make revisions without changing the entire thing
• #2: Technology and learning the conventions of the different genres was a huge struggle for me
• #2: Struggled with balancing the blogs, the projects, and my life
• #3: I learned that when I am writing about something that I am interested or passionate about, I actually enjoy doing all of the work
• #3: Taking away the importance of social media and creating credibility for yourself

Summary of what the evidence proves (for each piece of evidence) 

• #1: Proves college, especially this past semester where I have done the most writing, has changed who I am as a writer
• #1: Proves what my writing process is exactly
• #2: Proves I overcame a lot of challenges this semester and learned a lot about technology
• #2: Proves time management was difficult for me
• #3: Proves I have grown as not only a writer but a person as well
• #3: Proves this class taught me things I didn’t know I would be learning in an English class

Summary of why that’s important (for each piece of evidence) 

• #1: That is what college is for, to improve yourself
• #1: It is important to have a good understanding of your writing process, to help you in your writing
• #2: It is important to go out of your comfort zone and learn new things
• #2: Taught me how to manage my time better
• #3: Being passionate about a subject is very important; it is a good life lesson
• #3: This will help me in my career later in life/ now because I just applied for a social media assistant job

Some ideas about how to grab the reader’s attention in the opening section (at least 2)

• Play music and then have the person interviewing me start off with a fun and interesting introduction. For example, “Hey Wildcats....” This makes it so the interview is very personal and connects with the audience right away.

Some idea about how to explain the larger significance of your subject in the closing section (at least 2)

• The introduction will be said by the person giving me the interview. That individual will thank me and state how important it is to discover yourself in college and truly know who you are as a writer and what your strengths and weaknesses are.

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

Below is the link to my fine cut of project 3. My genre is a video essay. I am happy to finally be done with this project and am very proud of how my video turned out.

Fine Cut: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pg8W3yz3m4&feature=youtu.be

1. Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

• This is pretty much my final draft for project three! So hopefully there is not too much to criticize about it.

2. Major issues or weaknesses in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

• My biggest issue is that my video is very long. I do not want to repeat myself in my video and bore my viewers. I am also nervous that some of my images are on the screen for too long.

3. Major virtues or strengths in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

• I am very proud of my project. I worked really hard on it and personally think it is really good, especially all of my images and videos.

Peer Review 13b for Payton Leahy

Below is my second peer review for this week. Everyone’s projects are looking really good! I really enjoyed watching other video essays and seeing what I enjoyed while watching them so I can use it on my video essay.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed 

• Payton Leahy (section 6)
• Why Sony Needs to Free Kesha

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed 

• http://pleahy109h.blogspot.com/2016/04/revised-post-to-peer-reviewers.html?showComment=1461525166580#c1050114461678684336

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed  

• I peer reviewed Payton’s form. This means I made sure her video essay included all of the conventions of its genre.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?) 

• I gave her advice about her transitions. I told her that she needs to finish her statements before she moves onto the next video clip because sometimes she would cut herself off. I also told her to keep the text on the screen longer to give her viewers more time to read it.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback 

• The Student’s Guide emphasizes the importance of form and using the conventions of your genre which is what I helped Payton with.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• I really admired her passion towards her argument and how she used video to support her statements and claims.

Peer Review 13a for Nicolas Herard

Below is my first peer review for local revision week. I really enjoyed viewing other projects and seeing how much they have changed and improved!

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed 

• Nicolas Herard (section 8)
• The Truth About Outsourcing

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed 

• http://niherard.blogspot.com/2016/04/revised-post-to-peer-reviewers.html?showComment=1461520435948#c6610869026785503808

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed  

• I decided to comment on the form of his project. Nicolas chose a QRG for project 3, therefor the form is very important and sometimes difficult to remember all of the conventions.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

• I gave him advice about his white space and told him to fix page 8. I also told him make sure his citations are directly under his images and to bold important words to make his QRG more eye pleasing and easy to read.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback 

• The Student’s Guide emphasizes how important the form of your project is, which is what I helped Nicolas with.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

• I really liked how he included a picture of the definition of the word outsource. I also liked the images, charts, and quotes he used.

Reflection on Local Revision Process

This blog is a reflection of how my local revision process went. I talk about my successes and challenges of the week. I am happy that my video essay is almost complete and project 3 is almost done!

1. What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

• So far this week has been very successful. I finished editing my entire project. All I have left to do is edit my video and add images.

2. What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

• I feel like my project is a little too long, but it was challenging for me to cut things out. Everything I have in beneficial to the project and my argument so I decided to keep my video essay long and keep all of my facts and information.

3. How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

• This is the last week for project 3 so next week will be the start of project 4 which will also be stressful because we only have two weeks to finish it.

4. How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

• I am pretty confident about my project right now. My essay is very good, now it is just editing my video and presenting my essay in an enjoying and intriguing matter.

Editorial Report 13b

Below is my second editorial report for this week. After editing my entire script for my video essay, I feel very confident about it! Now I am ready to re-record and add more pictures and video.

Selection from ‘Rough Cut’:

Since the 1970’s, the wage gap between men and women has decreased greatly, especially because of The Equal Pay Act of 1963. However, in most recent years, progress towards ending the pay gap has stalled. At this rate, it will take about 44 years for women to receive equal pay. That is not acceptable for ourselves or future generations of women and we need to work tirelessly until we can implement a new system that treats each gender with fairness and equality. One solution to this problem is to end occupational segregation. “Jobs predominantly done by women pay less on average than jobs predominantly done by men (Institute for Women’s Policy Research).” Over the years, women have started moving to careers that were traditionally dominated by men, but gender integration in certain jobs still needs improvement.

Re-edited Selection:

Since the 1970’s, the wage gap between men and women has decreased greatly, especially because of The Equal Pay Act of 1963. However, in most recent years, progress towards ending the pay gap has stalled. At this rate, it will take about 44 years for women to receive equal pay. That is not acceptable for ourselves or future generations of women and we need to work tirelessly until we can implement a new system that treats each gender with fairness and equality. One solution to this problem is to end occupational segregation. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, “Jobs predominantly done by women pay less on average than jobs predominantly done by men.” For example, teaching, nursing, and daycare workers are all jobs primarily held by women that get paid very little. However, when men are in these careers, they tend to get promoted faster, such as men in education getting promoted to administration, while the women continue to be teachers. Over the years, women have started moving to careers that were traditionally dominated by men, but gender integration in certain jobs still needs improvement.

Questions:

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

• I added more examples and clarification to my paragraph. This way instead of just saying that jobs predominately done by women get paid less, I gave my audience examples of such jobs. I also cited my quotation better by saying, “according to...."

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

• The rough cut is the the form of a paragraph and after I edited it, the paragraph got longer. This means the my video essay will also become longer.