This blog post is my second peer review of Maxwell Parise from section 2. The peer reviews helped me read other essays and compare their content and form with mine.
I also chose Maxwell Parise’s rough draft- The Rhetoric of Creative Writers- to
peer review and it was extremely difficult to find anything to critique on. It
can be found here. I really admired how Maxwell was able to
integrate the triad of rhetoric devices (ethos, pathos, logos) in his essay,
especially because I myself was wondering how I should go about accomplishing
that.
For the peer review activity I again chose a content
suggestion which is essentially a brief suggestion on how well the author is
able to construct an essay in the proper way according to the rubric and if
there is any aspects that could be improved.
Content Suggestion:
Overall the entire essay really was amazing in my opinion
and so my suggestions are fairly minimal. I would suggest reworking the intro
sentence just a bit- it’s too wordy with the repetition of the word “American”
and it detracts from the rest.
Other than that, the only thing I would do differently is
include the first sentence of the second paragraph in the intro paragraph. It
would make for a strong thesis and a strong ending to a very well written into
that would really give the reader a sense of direction and understanding of
what the main focus of the essay is.
After reading Student’s Guide, I realized how important a strong introduction and thesis statement are. I advised Maxwell to fix his thesis statement so it was more focused and including a specific opinion.
I think this feedback could help improve what is already a
very good essay. I think just the small refinement of the intro would better
set the initial tone of the work and leave no doubt in the reader’s mind what
the essay is about.
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