Peer Review 9a for Grant Williams

This blog post is of my first peer review of Grant Williams from section 8 (my section). Reading other people’s essays helped me see how other people explained their genres and what worked and did not work.

This week I looked over various projects from our section and decided to peer review Grant’s Standard College Essay, Project 2 Draft. It can be found here.

While reading his essay I really admired the way he incorporated quotes and opinions from well educated professional and professors in the field- it gave his essay a real sense of authority and a knowledgeable feel that I hope to be able to replicate in my own essay.

I do have a few suggestions that I think could really help strengthen his project and so I chose the Content Suggestion activity which is basically a concise comment on how tightly the author is able to follow the rubric and model their essay that manner.

Content Suggestion:

           

After reading through your essay it seems you have a deep understanding of how writing and rhetoric is used in your major, however that understanding was more shown through a heavy reliance on your sources.

As a reader I was obviously impressed by the many quotes and ideas you pull from your sources- they show experience and real knowledge on the subject, however I wish you would establish your own personal credibility in the field as well.

I would just spend some time listing your own experience and familiarity with the subject in one of the opening few paragraphs. You could simply list how long you’ve been studying business and what your career goals are in the field. A simple explanation why you’re a good source to trust in terms of the information presented in the essay will help acquaint you with the reader and all them to trust you and your work.

Student’s Guide talks about how important evidence and supporting claims. Grant did a great job at that. However, he did not include his own credibility which is just as important and makes it more personal for the readers to connect with.

If you follow these suggestions I think they could help you earn more points based on the rubric and overall improve the quality and clarity of your essay.